I got angry today! Really angry! My day started off with me waking up crying and shaking because I had a very vivid nightmare that I was back working at Acorn's Children's Hospice and being bullied by the staff that drove me out earlier this year. It was one of "those" dreams that was so real that I just woke up feeling upset and depressed and hopeless. I went out to work - my mood not improved by the rain and the cold - and just felt like I wanted to end it all. I have experienced depression earlier this year and knew the cold tentacles of it creeping back. But then rather than sucuumbing to it, "something" just made me get MAD!
I don't know what it was but I am so grateful for it! I started speaking to the powers of darkness and said something like this;
"Do you think I am stupid? I have seen your schemes and you are neither clever nor subtle. You don't care whether I am rich or poor, in a relationship or single, with child or without child, in a job or jobless. Your sole ambition is to remove my faith in a good and abundant God and you will try and do this WHATEVER the cost and however long it takes. As long as I have faith burning in me that God loves me and is for me - then you are losing.
And at times this year - I give you credit - you have won some battles. I ended up taking anti-depressants and considering committing suicide because life seemed hopeless and I despised myself. But you haven't and never will win the war. God is STILL for me and He STILL loves me. I admit - I can't feel His manifest Presence right now. I admit I can't hear His voice speaking to me right now. But I declare to you - principalities and powers - that does NOT mean that He isn't here and He isn't speaking!
I may feel like I am holding on to my faith and my vision with a fingernail - but the Word of God tells me; "Underneath are the Everlasting Arms!". So even if I let go and give up - even if I have no fight within me - He is still there and He will never give up on me! He is for me! So you lose! And may I remind you of your ultimate future? The Word of God tells me that your destiny is a firey pit that will never go out. But the Word of God tells me that the future of the people of God is a glorious one - the nations will come because it is so glorious!".
And I went on in that vein all the way into work. And then I remembered from my history the famous motto; "Don't you know there is a war on?". The people of God seem to get so easily battered around by the powers of darkness and life in general. We get so easily depressed! At least I do. Finances - or lack of - are the key in getting me down. But work has got me down this year. The lack of spiritual life and power that I enjoyed in 2006/07 has got me down. But does that mean God has changed?
The devil would seek to use this to say He has and His love is not as great as it was! But Jesus Christ Himself called the devil; "The father of lies". Are we really so stupid that we will believe his lies that God does not love us and is not for us? The louder the shouts in our head tell us that God has given up on us or God does not really love us - the greater the suggestion that the devil is launching a campaign.
We are at war! Let's not forget it! The war is not for territory or for geography ... yet. Because the devil doesn't need to fight for geography or territory! The war is for our faith and our hearts and our vision. When he has got a defeated, miserable and negative church - then the geography and territory is his anyway! We need to "stir up the gift that is within us"! We need to set our hearts ablaze! We need to fight and NEVER surrender!