I think one of the reasons why the SGM drama/crisis affected me among so many others is that it has shaken our faith mainly in church leadership but also has caused us to evaluate what we really believe. My church history background has been based in based in reformed/charismatic evangelicalism that emphasized most of our problems were sin-related. We were also taught to respect and honour our leaders. In both situations - my faith in our leadership was shaken.
In Dunstable, Stanley - our senior pastor - made a major shift in his theology on the Holy Spirit and such a change unfortunately coincided with my baptism in the Holy Spirit. However God worked this together for good - and I had to dig deep into the Word of God and such teachers as Dr Martyn Lloyd-Jones and Terry Virgo who led me to see the glorious truth.
In SGM, my history and subsequent observation of C J Mahaney and Dave Harvey's behaviour as revealed by Brent Detwiler shook my faith again. But I am believing that God is working this together for good and is leading me step by step away from this sin-focused obsession and step by step into His glorious grace.
I was running on the treadmill at the gym today and by chance (I run my iPhone on shuffle) a wonderful old chorus of Dave Fellingham's came on (squashed in between Steps and Lady Gaga);
"At Your feet we fall, mighty risen Lord,
As we come before Your throne to worship You.
By Your Spirit's power You now draw our hearts,
And we hear Your voice in triumph ringing clear.
I am He that liveth, that liveth and was dead,
Behold I am alive forever more.
There we see You stand, mighty risen Lord,
Clothed in garments pure and holy, shining bright.
Eyes of flashing fire, feet like burnished bronze,
And the sound of many waters is Your voice.
Like the shining sun in its noonday strength,
We now see the glory of Your wondrous face.
Once that face was marred, but now You're glorified,
And Your words like a two-edged sword have mighty power".
An amazing song! But it was a tremendous reminder of the unchanging nature of the living God. I've been spending time tonight re-visiting the past promises, dreams and visions that God has been so favourable to grant me (nothing compared to a man like Rob Rufus - but still - I am BLESSED!). For example, I was amazed to have completely forgotten these few dreams;
"Terry Virgo and Angels Snipers!!" - a dream I had back in 2009.
"Dreams, dreams, dreams!!" - documenting some of the key dreams I have had in my life - one back in 2001 about a call to "ministry", one involving a tidal wave of glory speeding towards Brighton in 2006 (that I shared with Terry Virgo) and another about walking in a field of corn with my dear friend Pete Day.
A reminder - a glorious one at that - of the power of children prophesying - "your daughters shall prophesy!".
"The tide is turning" - a prophetic promise from Terry Virgo back at the glorious Brighton conference in 2007 - is still true I think. But tides ... who can predict when they reach fullness? I found this quote from Jim Goll;
"When God seems silent, there are several things you can do.
1. Stick with what you already know.What was the last thing the Lord said to you or told you to do? Have you done it? Why should He tell you something new until you have completed what He has already revealed?".