I had a really odd experience today walking home - but one that God spoke to me powerfully and taught me from. It's been a really hard, horrid two long days at work. I am becoming increasingly convinced that a children's hospice is where the most vulnerable people of the most vulnerable people group in our country come. It's my personal belief that such children deserve the utmost and highest care, respect and love and protection. What do you do when there is an individual there who resembles one of the unpleasant guards of Azkaban - seeming to get pleasure from controlling other more vulnerable people and ensuring that no fun or spontaneity happens apart from under their control? You pray. Obviously. But you hope, trust and long that the glory would so flood and fill and overflow through you that the demonic power that maybe present would be banished and those vulnerable children protected from that controlling power.
That - I hope - sets something of my horrid two days in context. It riles me beyond belief almost as much as in church when controlling spirits run rife within a children's hospice where desperate and needy people need love and protection - and simply get told to "behave" and live up to an expected standard. So I was walking home inwardly raging and trying to calm down, but at the same time listening to Ryan and Kylie Rufus's thrilling; "Impartation Meeting After Florida Trip". So to add to my stress from work came a deep pang of hunger that why oh why can't God teleport me into Hong Kong so I could receive this impartation on a foundation of grace!? (Ryan said he would be watching out for me to appear in City Church!!).
I suddenly began to get that sixth sense feeling that there were two individuals closely following me - and let me make it clear, I saw their shadows. There were a group of lads across the road on bikes so I assumed they had spotted me. I wasn't particularly keen to get mugged or jumped. Although I could always get another IPOD, I've got virtually all of City Church's sermons on it, as well as Lansdowne Evangelical Church's and Church of Christ the King's! It would be most tedious to have to re-load them! I did the typical thing of speeding up my walking but they kept up with me. I began to feel quite scared and upset as it was a dark, shadowy street.
I reached a certain point on the street and suddenly I heard God audibly speak in my spirit and He said; "Turn around". I did so and saw no-one and nothing there. The street was absolutely deserted. The fear and upset left me instantly and was replaced with peace. But this was what was weird - as I turned round, I saw the two shadows again! I looked around again and saw nothing and no one. And God paused and then said this;
"Do you see that FEAR IS THE MISTAKE OF NOT PROPERLY LOOKING AT THE OBJECT THAT CAUSES THE EMOTION. What do you fear the most?
Do you fear losing your friends or upsetting them? Look closely and look up! Any friends to whom I have called you to be together with, to seek Me with will stand with you in relationship whatever difficulties - for the unity I give you is an organic unity devoid of institution! Do you fear that the angel feather you saw will be the only evidence of angels that you will ever see? Look closely and look up! Two angels are following you for I have given them to you to minister to you and to guard you and to watch over you! Look further up still - legions of angels stand arrayed across the heavens singing; "Glory to God in the highest!".
Do you fear that the outpouring of My Spirit that I have given in Florida will be one that you miss? Look closely and look up! Hear what I have promised - this is a contageous, infectious, air-bourne outpouring! Even now it is catching the winds and the breezes of My Spirit and it's nectar can be smelt approaching Europe's shores! Do you fear that you will never see My face? Look closely and look up! The veil ALREADY stands torn! The way is ALREADY open! It is only your fear that keeps your head bowed, and your eyes lowered. Do you fear that you are not worthy and you should "examine yourself"? Look closely and look up! Did I ask you to examine yourself? I don't accept you on the examination of yourself - but the examination of My Son! And I - God the Just - am satisfied to look on Him and pardon you!
Why else does My Word command you to not fear again and again? Fear is the mistake of not looking properly at the object that causes the emotion. I call you eagerly - look closely and look up at your fears, your worries for they are nothing! My glory is coming! My glory is already here and among you! And it will be those who don't fear for they stand on a foundation of grace who will enjoy the full, unfettered, no limits of this great "Feast of Tabernacles" outpouring!".
I walked back weeping tears of joy but so humbled because once again God had touched the very hidden inner depths of my fears. And I HAD been fearing! Even listening to Ryan and Kylie overflowing in Hong Kong made me worry and fear again that I had "missed the moment" simply because I couldn't afford to fly to Florida. But even looking at that very fear - almost with a post-dated word of knowledge, Ryan Rufus spoke on the MP3 and answered that!
"These are hot coals of impartation that man CAN'T put out because man didn't start and man doesn't need to keep going!".
I wasn't integral in starting the Lakeland Outpouring (!!!!) and I certainly won't be integral in halting it (God forbid!) - this is a sovereign move and it is in God's sovereign hands! I guess this final word that God said to me was screened through my interpretation of the Message Bible;
"So CHILL OUT, RELAX AND ENJOY ME!!".